Born a Flower

“You’re as pretty as a flower.”

I’ve heard that a few times.

I want to tell them that this flower has had to start over and blossom over and over again.

My petals have been plucked and torn off.

My stem has been clipped.

But we all know that a flower can not die unless it’s pulled from it’s roots.

My roots are strong. You instilled these roots in me.

Because of you, I am still alive. I am still blooming.

-HK 4/30/17

 

Fire Signs

We are both fire signs.

I, Aries 

He, Leo

But to start this fire inside me all it took was the spark in his eyes, no lighter, no match.

The scary thing about fire is when combined it is a beautiful danger.

The heat can save a life or destroy it. 

Burns are hard to get rid of.

There’s a reason why my momma always said, “don’t play with fire, don’t play with fire.” 

With you, I’m playing with fire. 

-HK 3/25/17

Describe Me

“Describe me,” you say.

“Describe this. Describe us. Describe what’s going on here. Describe so I can understand.”

Sometimes I’m not good with words. Sometimes I can’t have a normal conversation and discuss normal emotions but I will do my best to describe for you.

This is like…. buying a brand new car. 

The outside is freshly painted. It has the brand new smell. It’s the giddiness and butterflies you feel about the car finally being your own. The seats are comfortable and mold to your body shape. You picture yourself on a summer day with the windows down, just you and the car.

You look at the car salesman nodding that, “yes! yes! This is THE car!!” And right as you start it up, you go to put your seatbelt on. 

But no matter how hard you try, it won’t click. The buckles won’t fit. You try over and over and no matter what you do, the seatbelt does not work.

So you start to rationalize, “who really needs a seatbelt, anyway? Who needs a seatbelt when everything else about the car is THIS nice!?” So you wrestle with the idea of buying the car anyway. 

However the realization sinks in that the car would be perfect most days even without a seatbelt, but upon impact, you’d be fucked.

That’s the best I can do to describe my feelings for you.

-HK 3/2/17

Love is not a Checklist

Growing up I believed (and was told by many) that love would be found if every checkbox would be marked off of my checklist. 

And as I sit across from you, I go through my own personal list:

Success, check.

Kind, check.

Honest, check.

Older, check.

Attractive, check. 

Motivated, check.

Confident, check.

And the list continues as I go through and check each thing off. On paper, you’re the type to bring home to momma, to have a life with, you know, the guy that would never hurt me…

But as I look over my long list of check marks , knowing that the “perfect” person is sitting right in front of me….I feel nothing. 

I still don’t love you. 

Riddle me that.

-HK 3/1/17

Oscar Party

Every year there’s an Oscar Party where all of the ladies show up in their PJs and bring a dish to share that has something to do with the oscars. This year I made biscuits from scratch for the movie Fences. There’s a part of the movie where the leading actress makes homemade biscuits for breakfast and I wanted to replicate that part of the movie!

I also made hot dog rockets for the movie Arrival.