Born a Flower

“You’re as pretty as a flower.”

I’ve heard that a few times.

I want to tell them that this flower has had to start over and blossom over and over again.

My petals have been plucked and torn off.

My stem has been clipped.

But we all know that a flower can not die unless it’s pulled from it’s roots.

My roots are strong. You instilled these roots in me.

Because of you, I am still alive. I am still blooming.

-HK 4/30/17

 

Fire Signs

We are both fire signs.

I, Aries 

He, Leo

But to start this fire inside me all it took was the spark in his eyes, no lighter, no match.

The scary thing about fire is when combined it is a beautiful danger.

The heat can save a life or destroy it. 

Burns are hard to get rid of.

There’s a reason why my momma always said, “don’t play with fire, don’t play with fire.” 

With you, I’m playing with fire. 

-HK 3/25/17

Describe Me

“Describe me,” you say.

“Describe this. Describe us. Describe what’s going on here. Describe so I can understand.”

Sometimes I’m not good with words. Sometimes I can’t have a normal conversation and discuss normal emotions but I will do my best to describe for you.

This is like…. buying a brand new car. 

The outside is freshly painted. It has the brand new smell. It’s the giddiness and butterflies you feel about the car finally being your own. The seats are comfortable and mold to your body shape. You picture yourself on a summer day with the windows down, just you and the car.

You look at the car salesman nodding that, “yes! yes! This is THE car!!” And right as you start it up, you go to put your seatbelt on. 

But no matter how hard you try, it won’t click. The buckles won’t fit. You try over and over and no matter what you do, the seatbelt does not work.

So you start to rationalize, “who really needs a seatbelt, anyway? Who needs a seatbelt when everything else about the car is THIS nice!?” So you wrestle with the idea of buying the car anyway. 

However the realization sinks in that the car would be perfect most days even without a seatbelt, but upon impact, you’d be fucked.

That’s the best I can do to describe my feelings for you.

-HK 3/2/17

Love is not a Checklist

Growing up I believed (and was told by many) that love would be found if every checkbox would be marked off of my checklist. 

And as I sit across from you, I go through my own personal list:

Success, check.

Kind, check.

Honest, check.

Older, check.

Attractive, check. 

Motivated, check.

Confident, check.

And the list continues as I go through and check each thing off. On paper, you’re the type to bring home to momma, to have a life with, you know, the guy that would never hurt me…

But as I look over my long list of check marks , knowing that the “perfect” person is sitting right in front of me….I feel nothing. 

I still don’t love you. 

Riddle me that.

-HK 3/1/17

A Different Woman

He says I’m unlike anyone he’s ever met before.

I respond, “you must not have met many women in your life.”

He shakes his head, laughs and studies my face in disbelief at my thoughtless response.

But I know what he’s talking about.

I don’t swoon or squirm over his highly paid medical job or that he’s the 2nd youngest person in his position at work.

“I just bought a Benz,” he says.

I crinkle up my nose. “You really should have kept the Jeep. Summer is coming up and now you have a car when you could have had a roofless Jeep! What a mistake.”

I think he finds me amusing, despite our age difference, at how little I care over things other women might.

“I’m going to be quite blunt with you,” I laugh. “I don’t care about your money, or your degrees, or how big your muscles are, or your expensive cars or the famous friends you have. I want to know your soul. Does your soul connect with mine? Because when all of that other stuff is stripped from you, what is left? That’s what I want to know.”

And to be honest with you, I don’t think that at 32 years old, a woman has ever said that to him.

-HK 2/25/17