“Describe me,” you say.
“Describe this. Describe us. Describe what’s going on here. Describe so I can understand.”
Sometimes I’m not good with words. Sometimes I can’t have a normal conversation and discuss normal emotions but I will do my best to describe for you.
This is like…. buying a brand new car.
The outside is freshly painted. It has the brand new smell. It’s the giddiness and butterflies you feel about the car finally being your own. The seats are comfortable and mold to your body shape. You picture yourself on a summer day with the windows down, just you and the car.
You look at the car salesman nodding that, “yes! yes! This is THE car!!” And right as you start it up, you go to put your seatbelt on.
But no matter how hard you try, it won’t click. The buckles won’t fit. You try over and over and no matter what you do, the seatbelt does not work.
So you start to rationalize, “who really needs a seatbelt, anyway? Who needs a seatbelt when everything else about the car is THIS nice!?” So you wrestle with the idea of buying the car anyway.
However the realization sinks in that the car would be perfect most days even without a seatbelt, but upon impact, you’d be fucked.
That’s the best I can do to describe my feelings for you.